How to Disappear Completely

What's worse than being overwhelmingly busy that your mind's so confused you don't even know what to think about anymore? Having nothing to do, that's what it is. Because if that should happen, your mind would take matters into its own...erm...hands, and all of a sudden weird thoughts would start swimming about in your brain. Those weird thoughts might or might not be important, depending on whom you're talking to or what book you'd been reading recently. But regardless which, they're all very worrying; take questions about the futileness of life and the purpose of one's existence, for example.

Despite their being less real--or at least that's how they seem to be--compared to your day-to-day business, such as paying the bills, the effect they cause to your brain is just as real, making you restless, confused, helpless. Truth of the matter, they're even worse because there's no definite answer to them. Who knows for sure how to answer those questions? Some people spend their whole life looking for the answer and ending up never finding them; some people discover them just like that, somewhat by coincidence; and some don't even realize that such questions exist in the first place. At least, bills are simpler, you just have to wait until your next payroll to pay them out.

That's why it's good--for me--to turn the TV on although there's nothing interesting on it, to play the game I've played many times again and again, to read a fantasy story set as far away and as detached as possible from the life I've been living right now. Doing so gives me the chance to escape from myself, to forget any uncomfortable realization for a while. Drugging me, that's what they do. As my mind goes deeper into the inanimate object I was facing at that moment, I lose my sense of self. I'm not conscious of myself anymore.And then, there's always THAT. Sleep. The natural painkiller. Sleep. It's good. It's good.

Note: Before anyone gets the wrong idea and tries to sue me, here's a disclaimer for you. The words "How to Disappear Completely" is snatched off from a song's title, whose copyright belongs to Radiohead and Warner Chappell Music Publishing Ltd. “How to Disappear Completely" appears in Radiohead's fourth album, Kid A. Buy it if you wish to.