Words of a Rambling Idiot

I think I had childhood dream once, just like everyone. But just like many people, I left it at childhood. And now I forget what it was. It doesn't mean that I don't remember what I wanted to become when I was a kid. Let me list down some for you: an archeologist, a paleontologist, a goalkeeper, a writer, a comedian. But I'm not talking about professions here. I'm talking about my life's calling, my purpose on earth, something that made me go Aha! and said, "This is what I want to do for the rest of my life." If I really did know my purpose once, I'd say that I don't remember what it was anymore.

And since I don't know my purpose of being here, you can pretty much say that I'm lost right now. Wandering around, feeling restless, not knowing for sure what I'm doing here. Oh, and please, don't give me all that "Preparing yourself for the everlasting life" or "Struggling in order to obtain God's grace" thingy. Everyone says that all the time that it's become lame (people will butcher me for saying this). It doesn't mean that I don't believe in the afterlife or God; it's just that I believe each person has his/her own way on earth. And I haven't quite found my way yet, which is annoying.

Some might say that I should stop complaining and tell me to be thankful for what I've got. The "get a job, settle down" bXXXXXXt. But I can't just sit back, relax, and enjoy the scene. It's a state of convenience that makes me inconvenient. It's like comfortably watching a TV show and then suddenly realizing that there's something important that you gotta do. It's just that you forget what that "important" thing is.

I don't even know what I'm writing about anymore. It's just a random thought really. You can all shove it down the toilet if you like, be my guest.