I hate to sing the same old song again and again, but I need to get this one out, or else I will erupt. (I’ve just read Before Green Gables, in which the heroine--Anne Shirley--repeatedly used the word “erupt” instead of the more mundane “explode” to describe her feelings. In case you’re wondering, Before Green Gables is a “sequel” to Anne of Green Gables initiated by Penguin Canada to celebrate Anne’s one hundredth anniversary.)
My story began in a rather innocent fashion when I realized that what I really wanted in life was to learn. I always get this sense of awe recently--every time I make a discovery, every time I get a revelation. I long to feel this way forever, and that’s why I want to spend my whole life learning.
Of course, “learning” in itself is a very broad term. You can learn from everything--from what you see, what you hear, what you think, what you experience. It’s very shallow-minded to think that you can only learn by means of one specialized method, e. g. going to school.
Bearing that in mind, I shouldn’t be upset upon finding out that this path I’m intending to take is a closed road for me. If all I want to do is learning, there shouldn’t be any problem; I could always take another approach. Yet, I can’t help feeling frustrated.
The dilemma I’m facing right now is basically like this: if one wants to study, he has to know things; but in order to know things he has to study certain things first. (It’s pretty much like the problem with not getting a job because you don’t have any work experience, which is impossible to obtain if you never get a job in a first place.) See what I mean?
It’s unfair! People with less intelligence and worldly motivation can easily take this approach because situation permits them to do so. It’s all about supply and demand these days. When your demand is in low supply, things become more complicated and difficult. Why oh why?
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